Missed Meds

The onset of depression can feel frighteningly like clarity. There’s a quiet detachment in which I feel like I am seeing Truth. Not just about the usual depressive stuff like how horrible I are or how pointless my life is, or how no one really likes me, but about big stuff. I begin to feel detached from history, like I’m looking down on the arc of human events, and seeing the silliness of it all. It can actually be a really good motivator because in that brief period between closeness of living inside of life and the closeness of living inside of a depressive fog, the futility of everything makes it really easy to do stuff. Everything looks so tiny that you might as well just do the stuff you’ve been procrastinating on cause it’s just this little thing that doesn’t really matter in a vast sea of little things that don’t really matter. The quiet of this place is nice, and would be enjoyable if I weren’t aware of what it was heralding. Also the withdrawal symptoms that inevitably take hold when you’re x hours off your dosage schedule.

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